Incommunicado

Does it count as drinking alone if you drink while you're talking to someone on the phone, but physically alone?

Last night I cracked open a bottle of wine and had two glasses while on a lengthy phone call with my friend A, who recently moved from Miami. We are similarly situated at the moment: we are both waiting for phone calls from boys.

I know this is pathetic. I do. And I don't understand why you have to play games, but I understand that they must be played. It's total bullshit and I'm tired of it. The first woman to play coy and hard-to-get should be shot, except no doubt she's long dead. But screw her for making the rest of us have to do the same to attract men. I suspect it might have been Cleopatra. And it worked -- she had Julius Caesar and Mark Antony sweating her. Maybe that's why I chose to go as Cleopatra for Halloween last year; however, the only guy sweating me was dressed as a cowboy and when he found out I'm not Jewish he walked away.

So I'm trying to backtrack from laying my cards on the table. Clearly this won't work, but I've got to try something. There has to be a fine line between being supportive and helpful and not being too available. A and I made a pact that the next time we want to call either of our guys, that we should just call each other instead. We instituted a joint ban on initiation of communication. I feel like there should have been a task force or sub-committee involved to hammer out the details and punishments (for example, who adjudicates violations of the communication initiation ban? Do we end up in front of the ICJ? Circuit court? The Hague?).

As I cannot adequately police myself, and A is too far away to police me (and vice-versa), I suspect the ban will be broken at some point. Last night as I stumbled into bed and listened to a Nico album while falling asleep, I felt a little hopeless. I'll admit it.

This morning when I awoke (without a headache, for once), I feel like I've regained a little dignity. My resolve is strengthened. Because although I like this guy (I mean really really like him) I think I'm finally listening to the advice I've heard from every single one of my friends: this is out of my hands.

I can't do anything more. So I guess I better study.