Gag Me With a Platinum Spoon

When I was in middle school, Channel 9 in the NYC suburbs used to air a cartoon called "Beverly Hills Teens." My sister and I loved watching the antics of spoiled, entitled, privileged rich kids, probably because as youngsters in an affluent town, we could relate to their misadventures. The catchphrase from that show, frequently uttered by one of the most atrocious characters was "gag me with a platinum spoon."

A new, real life class of entitled, overprivileged twenty-somethings has taken over and quite honestly, it makes me want to gag myself with a stainless steel spoon, as that is the only silverware in my price range. But I propose a new nickname for my peers more concerned with prestiege and the trappings of wealth and status than anything remotely real or valuable -- Gaggers.

As a disclaimer, I think it's necessary to add that I too am a child of privilege, of fancy suburban public schools, an Ivy League education, and now a legal education. My life has not been hard -- not even close. In fact, at the moment, aside from exams and being recently dumped by an asshole in a foreign country (keep checking back, story to follow), I am about as happy as I have ever been. So take what I say with a grain of salt ... it's a saucy melange of "the pot calling the kettle black" and jealousy inspired by those who have achieved more than I have.

I am utterly appalled by the attitude of many of my peers, here in Miami but more so in New York. The fact that there are those who make six figures, live in outrageously expensive lofts, and have even somewhat functional relationships, can dare to complain is beyond me. Now I don't mean complaining about mundane details of their day or the person occupying a neighboring table in an otherwise quiet library (see posting re: the most annoying man in the world). Rather, I am talking about flat out 'biting the hand that feeds them' complaining of the most egregious and narcisstistic sort.

Gaggers have jobs that many of my friends would kill for, even be so grateful to interview for, much less receive. Gaggers turn around and complain about mistreatment at these high-paying law firms, investment banks and consulting firms (if any are left). Guess what Gaggers, wake up call! -- they are paying you six figures for the right to mistreat you. Why this should come as a shock is beyond me. It isn't the case that as a 27 year old first or second year associate you are actually worth your salary, or make any real valuable contribution to your organization ... Chances are your superiors are more interesting having a little fun by ordering you around.

Gaggers call their prestigious alma maters "elitist" and may well be justified -- however, these individuals are probably elitist themselves for having attended such institutions and more importantly, for wanting to attend them, for losing sleep over college admissions senior year of high school, for having crying fits and tantrums at that thought of going to a state school ... or God forbid, a second tier school!

Gaggers have the luxury of complaining about daily ennui in the boardroom, their cubicle, or any other high-powered office environment. Gaggers fret over late delivery of their copy of The New York Times (carried around the office merely to appear intellectual when really they reach for The Post once entering their office and read Page Six religiously). Gaggers have pretensions of being keen social observers and remark at length about the foibles of their peers (am I myself a Gagger?) and yet never turn their inquiry around on themselves.

No doubt I will have much more to say on this topic, as I know many Gaggers and have been a Gagger myself on more than a few occasions. When I lived in New York, in the midst of a gaggle of Gaggers I did not fully realize how horrendous many of these individuals are. With distance comes perspective and as a fallen Gagger of sorts, a right to complain.