I'm SO Not Done

Everyone who knows me knows that the whole thing with B was not going to end this weekend. Alas, I am even more entangled now than before. I completely adore him.

Played some phone tag on Friday night and ultimately gave up on him. Even went back to my apartment. Then he called. I met him and his friends. The first words out of his mouth were, "I am so lucky you are even speaking to me." He told me that he understood exactly how lucky he is. He kept asking what we were going to do about our situation. He has even asked his boss if he could transfer to Miami. He said if he lived here, he would keep me out of trouble. He also said that if he lived here, he would date me in a second. He doesn't understand how I don't have a boyfriend. He told me many, many things. He says he worries about me. He wants me to be happy. He wants to make me happy.

He lent me his iPod Saturday morning. He said it was the most intimate thing he could do, that it was a window into his soul. And it was. For an avid music lover to hand over his iPod is a sign of trust and utter generosity. It also provided collateral that I would see him again.

Saw him Saturday night, late. My sister met him. She admitted that he's charming, but she's concerned that I like him too much, that I'm in too deep.

Too late. Far too late.

She also said he is very similar to my college ex-boyfriend, the best I've ever had. But as my best friend always said, that guy wasn't sparkly enough for me. B is just sparkly enough.

Sunday he drove by and picked up the iPod from me. Said he had been self-conscious since Saturday morning and eagerly wanted to know my thoughts on its contents. The songs were much more cutting edge than what I listen to regularly. And he had bands on there I had never heard before. When I admitted that, he smiled. I told him that if we combined our iPods, we would have the best iPod ever. He smiled again. Because I think he knows it's true -- just like I think he knows that if we combined forces, great things would result.

But we said nothing more. He got out of his dad's car, kissed me and hugged me. Said, "it was good to see you, sweetie" and nothing more. I walked up the stairs and back into my building.

I didn't look back.

I didn't have to.

I'll see him again.