The Sound of Settling

I went on another date last night. The guy seems ambitious, pretty nice, generally unobjectionable. There's really nothing wrong with him, except he is boring. I'm sure he's the kind of guy who could make another girl really happy. But big surprise, I am not that girl.

This weekend it's dawned on me that I'm not going to get the guy I think I want. I have him picked out, he just doesn't realize it yet. But there's a lot wrong with him, too. He's completely flakey and unreliable. He's clueless and capricious. I'm fairly certain that he would be disaster as a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I absolutely adore him.

My mother has told me repeatedly throughout my life that she chose my father largely because he seemed like a safe bet. I think my dad is much more than that -- he's extremely bright, hilarious, loving, and understanding. Frankly, I think Mom got more than she bargained for.

But the "safe bet" concept has never resonated with me until this weekend. My future husband re-entered my life again this weekend and I have finally realized he will never be what I want him to be. The guy I was out with, should he actually want a real girlfriend, seems like a fairly safe bet. I think you would know what you're getting into with him. And that's probably the kind of guy I should start looking for.

But there's just no spark. We have nothing in common. I don't think he would make me crazy with longing, inspire jealousy, or even yell back in a fight. Unfortunately I thrive on drama and need someone who will make life interesting. And there aren't many guys out there who can pique my interest for more than a half hour.

People are settling down all around me. Couples move in together; go on vacation together; get married. Most, although settling down, are not settling in their choice of partner. I'm starting to fear that I may not have that option, and in order to settle down, I will have to settle. It's a truly terrifying realization. And hopefully something I'm wrong about.